July-DESSERT front cover, 450x675, CF2

The Dessert Games is a parody of The Hunger Games, which was written by Tom H. Richardson and released in August, 2015. It is part Alice In Wonderland, part Bugs Bunny cartoon, and part Three Stooges—with lots of Hunger Games thrown in.


Verylongnameus Ice, the Superintendent of Schools for the Panem (Colorado) Independent School District, is an evil man. He decreed in 1982 that desserts would not be sold as school lunches, nor were kids permitted to bring desserts from home. Soon after making this decree, Ice was persuaded to grant a small exception—

Each year, one boy and one girl would be randomly selected from each school zone (Panem ISD has twelve). The boy and girl would be bussed across town to the school-district football stadium. There the twenty-four students would form a circle, then try to throw pies in each other’s faces. When only one kid had a face not-pieed, that kid would be the winner of the Pie-Throwing Elimination. He or she would then get Dessert Privilege for as long as he attended Panem schools.

This year, Primmytwoshoes Ebergrimm, a School Zone Twelve seventh-grader, is Selected to be in the Pie-Throwing Elimination. Alas, Primmy broke an arm and a leg rescuing a kitten from a tree; body parts in a cast means that Primmy has zero chance of winning the Elimination; and Primmy being Selected this year means that Primmy will never be Selected again. Older sister Karen does not want Primmy to feel sad, so Karen volunteers to take Primmy’s place.

Karen thinks that what she has volunteered for is a simple, five-minute contest—but there are some things Karen does not know. Karen is especially in the dark this year, because Superintendent Ice just changed the rules. This year the Elimination takes place in an “arena.”

Karen does know about one complication to her plan: The male selectee from School Zone Twelve is Poofa Meadowlark, and he is in love with Karen. “You go your way, and I’ll go mine” will not work with this boy.

Nobody gets killed in this book, and only a few people get mildly hurt. Clowns, a troll, and a whoopee cushion play important roles in the story—and sooner or later, every contestant gets hit with a pie in the face. The parody borrows from all three books and the first three movies.


Hunger Games name Dessert Games name Description
Katniss Everdeen Karen Ebergrimm Older sister of Primmy Ebergrimm; volunteers for Primmy in the Pie-Throwing Elimination; millionaire inventor at age sixteen; once tried to drown Primmy's cat; nicknamed "Kantkiss" and "Tactless"
Primrose "Prim" Everdeen Primmytwoshoes Ebergrimm Disgustingly virtuous younger sister of Karen Ebergrimm; has one arm and one leg in a cast at the start of the story; Selected for the Pie-Throwing Elimination but knows she has zero chance of Winning
Peeta Mellark Poofa Meadowlark Selected for the Pie-Throwing Elimination; is in love with Karen; likes to wear make-up
Gale Hawthorne Soozin Hawtbod Handsomest boy at Public High School Twelve; failed inventor; has never told Karen that he loves her
Haymitch Abernathy Sumbitch Evertipsy School Zone Twelve's only previous winner of the Pie-Throwing Elimination; he won by being fast and clever; drunkard; mentor to Karen and Poofa; he and Bimbie Bauble are secretly dating
Effie Trinket Bimbie Bauble Normally a secretary in the school-district administration building; she Selected Primmy's and Poofa's names; tries to help Karen and Poofa before and during the Elimination; obsessed with manners and rudeness; she and Sumbitch Evertipsy are secretly dating
Glimmer Glandular Blond female contestant from School Zone One; thinks of herself as gorgeous; loves to eat; obese
Marvel Marblecake Male contestant from School Zone One; is arrogantly certain he will win; obese
Cato Cakedough Male contestant from School Zone Two; smitten with his school-zone partner Garlic; hears voices in his head; would rather eat at a Feast than pie anyone; obese
Clove Garlic Female contestant from School Zone Two; smitten with her school-zone partner Cakedough; has a big anger-management problem; hates Karen; obese
Foxface Firefox Female contestant from School Zone Five; member of Mensa; left-handed; has a "Myuhahaha" laugh; sneaky
Rue Flew Black seventh-grade girl attending Public Middle School 11-C; becomes friends with Karen
Thresh Thrash Huge black boy from Public High School Eleven; forcefully pies Garlic; passes up the opportunity to pie Karen
Cinna Centerd Karen's T-Shirt Designer; he leads Karen, blindfolded, to the arena
Portia Partsane Poofa's T-Shirt Designer; she leads Poofa, blindfolded, to the arena
Seneca Crane Barnacle Brained Head Piemaker; he makes the official announcement when a contestant has been Eliminated
Madge Undersee Midget Underwater A girl at Public High School Twelve who wants to date Soozin and who is envious of Karen; Karen wears Midget's pin to the Pie-Throwing Elimination
Coriolanus Snow Superintendent Verylongnameus Ice He runs the Panem (Colorado) Independent School District; has banned desserts from middle- and high-school lunches; offers poisoned cookies to people who displease him

Changes From The Hunger Games

Rather than praying that their names will not be called, teenagers in Panem, CO are desperately hoping to be Selected for the Pie-Throwing Elimination. This affects the rules for Volunteering, because it is presumed that everyone would volunteer if allowed to do so.

Attendance at Selection for the Pie-Throwing Elimination is not mandatory. However, the drawing is not limited to the students who are actually attending the Selection. If a student's name is drawn during a Selection, his/her name will never be drawn again, regardless of whether he/she is present or not. He/she must be present at the Selection to be Selected.

For a Panem student, Winning the Pie-Throwing Elimination means being able to eat dessert with his/her school lunches; that is all. There is no deathmatch, and nobody is bathed in riches afterward. This lack of deadly danger affects the story in obvious and nonobvious ways.

In The Hunger Games, each tribute is injected with a tracker, which reports both where that tribute is, and whether the tribute is alive or not. In The Dessert Games, each contestant wears an ankle tracker, and one of twelve referees announces it when a contestant has been Eliminated.

The pies used in the Pie-Throwing Elimination have chloroform injected into their pie filling, so that a pieed contestant immediately goes unconscious. This is to prevent Eliminated contestants from staying in the Pie-Throwing Elimination if no referee saw them get pieed. In contrast, the Gamemakers don't worry about tributes who have been eliminated from the Hunger Games cheating by rising from the dead.

The biggest change from The Hunger Games is that in The Dessert Games, the plot points are played for comedy whenever possible. Not to mention, nobody gets killed in The Dessert Games.

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