User blog:Iamjessa/Realization

Title: '''REALIZATION '''

Date: April 14, 2012

Written by: Jessa Sta. Ana

After the Games, everything changed. We now live in the Victor’s Village five houses apart from Haymitch’s home- that, of course was due to my request. Peeta lives in the house in front of us. Though we often see each other, he still won’t talk to me.

During the Homecoming and Victory Tour, I can feel Peeta’s pain. He smiled, hugged, kissed me and does whatever Haymitch told him to but when the cameras are gone, he’s all somber again. In the middle of the Tour, I tried to confront him.

“Hey,” I said as he came out of his room in the train. He stopped and looked at me.

“Hi.”

“Um, Peeta… can we talk?”

“Isn’t that what we are doing just now?” He said indifferently and began to walk away.

“Can you stop it? Won’t you listen to me? Are you really going to just ignore me the whole time? Peeta, this is unbearable, okay? Talk to me! Please.” I said the words without thinking first. I realized I was mad. He put his hands on his jean’s pocket and faced me.

“Alright, what do you want Katniss?”

I inhaled deeply then looked at his eyes. “Peeta, I know I hurt you. And it burdened me to see you like this.”

“It’s okay. I’ll live through.”

“No it’s not! Please, Peeta. You know that what I did during the Games was for our safety’s sake.”

“Oh. I know that already. That’s what Haymitch says whenever he opened his mouth."

"I just..."

"So what do you want me to do now, Katniss? Pretend that I wasn’t hurt? That everything’s okay between us? Katniss, I was in love with you. And to know that what you showed me in the arena were all pretenses broke something in me. But do you know what hurts so much?”

“Peeta,” tears began to form around my eyes.

“No, Katniss. What hurts me so much is that, even how much pain I’m going through right now, I can’t stay mad at you. I... I’m sorry, I just can’t do this.” And with that, he turned and left.

Next thing I knew, I’m on my knees, crying myself to death. I don’t know why but something in his words affect me inside.

I went to bed without eating supper. I can’t even sleep though I stopped crying. And after sifting through my feelings all night long, I thought and felt something.

I realized- for the first time- that the reason why I am so much affected is that I care.