User blog:SlappingSquirrels/Heartless- A Hunger Games Parody

Hullo Citizens of the world! This is just a little parody of the Hunger Games I decided to write when I was bored. In this alternate universe, Katniss is even more heartless then she is in the books and doesn't voulenteer to save Prim. I got the idea from Tiger Lily29's Parody, Opposite Day. It's really funny and you guys should go read it! In the mean time, I would also appreciate it if you read this. I plan to make it pretty funny (well, as funny as a story about children slaughtering other children can be) and I hope you enjoy it! Please fee free to share your thoughts in the comments.

Katniss's POV
Ugh. Just another morning. I wake up and see Prim's climbed up into Mom's bed. Ugh. I hate them both. Ever since my dad died mom's been super mean. You know, letting us starve and all. And Prim is so weak and pathetic. She won't even kill helpless animals for our survival, forcing me to. I get up out of bed and see that Prim tried to hide the cheese that her goat, Lady, made from me. I laugh at her lame attempt and snatch it up, planning to eat all of it in the woods today. I put on my clothes and eat a fairly big breakfast. I realize that I'm eating my breakfast and most of Mother and Prim's. Oh well. The early bird gets the worm, as they say. Whoever they are.

I walk out of the front door feeling energized from the big breakfast and walk over to the fence. I hate this thing. It makes me do extra work every day. Instead of just walking into the woods, this thing forces me to crawl underneath it. Sometimes it is even electrified, and then I can't go into the woods ''AT ALL! ''I test to make sure it's not live by sticking my finger onto it. I could just listen to see if it's humming, but this way's much faster. I've never actually been shocked by the fence, but I have been shocked by my sister before. It barely hurt at all.

I breathe in the fresh smell of dirt that the woods has. So refreshing compared to the terror and coal smell of home. I get my bow and quiver out of a tree stump where it was concealed from anyone that might be looking around in the woods for weapons and look around for something to kill. I see a squirrel eating an acorn and pull the string of my bow back. I'm just aout to realease the arrow when the squirrel gets hit by something and dies. Did I shoot it already and not realize that? No, someone else shot it before I could! I storm over to the squirrel and pick it up. "I CLAIM THIS SQUIRREL AS MINE! GO AWAY, WHOEVER SHOT IT!" I shout as loudly as I can. Just to get the message across. As a reply, an arrow wizzes past my face. Even though they didn't say anything, that one came across loud and clear.

I follow the path that the arrow came from and come face to face with Gale. Ugh, I hate Gale. His name is so stupid and he's better at snares then I am. He's a professional stalker too, because he can move without making a sound. It's creepy. We used to be friends, because our dads died in the same mining 'accident' and he was the only one that understood me. But then, one day he set a snare for a rabbit and I accidentally got stuck in it. I had to wait there for an hour with my foot in that uncomfortable position! That, combined with the stupid nickname he has for me, Catnip, drove us to become bitter rivals. He groans when he sees my face and I scowl. He's so rude! Stealing MY squirrel like that! And then trying to shoot me! I don't know how we were ever friends. I dangle the squirrel up in front of his face. "I'm keeping this, along with the arrow you killed it with and the one that you tried to kill me with!" I say wittily. I think I'm too smart for my own good sometimes. Gale groans and says "Why don't you just go and get blown up in a mine sometime, Catnip?" He says. I'm about to retort with someting smart like "No." when he hits me hard on the back of my head with a rock.

Everything gets all swirly for a moment, and then I black out.

Prim's POV
I wake up and see that Katniss has left already. Phew! I love my sister, but she can be such a pain sometimes. And I really don't want to have to deal with her today. Not on the Reaping day. It's my first reaping, and Katniss says she hopes I get reaped and die, but I'm sure she doesn't mean it. She's just stressed.

I wrap the blanket around my mom and get up out of bed. I look in the cubbord for my breakfast, but I can only find a few crumbs. Oh well, I wasn't that hungry anyway. I look around for the cheese that I got from Lady. It's not in the usual place or where I hid it from Katniss. I sigh and go outside to milk Lady. She bleats happily when she sees me. I'm so glad that nice Goat Man gave her to me. I milk her quickly and drink it slowy as I pet Lady. She just adores it when I scratch inbetween her ears. After a bit of this I'm finished, so I tie lady back to her post so she won't run away and walk back inside.

I'm greeted by a cute meow once inside. I turn towards it and see my cat, Buttercup. He has beautiful yellow fur and stunning brown eyes. Katniss says that he's the ugliest cat that ever lived, but I don't belive her. He's plenty beautiful to me. I scratch his stomach for a while until he leaves to go and hunt himself some mice or something. I'm glad he's so good with taking care of himself because if he wasn't I don't think Katniss would let him live. She does do al of the hunting, and I don't tink she would spare any game for him. I'm so grateful for her though, since she goes unting every day just to make sure that we don't all die. It's so selfless. I turn around to watch Buttercup leap out of the open window to go hunting and see that my mother is awake. I smile and walk over to her to give her a good morning hug. She embraces me back for a moment, then breaks away to point out the reaping clothes she layed out for me. A beautiful white blouse and a pretty tan skirt. It's so much prettier then the dull, normal clothes we usually wear. I hug my mother again briefly in thanks and change into the clothes. I know the reaping isn't a happy holiday, but I love being able to dress up nicely!

(I will continue later)