User blog:Lexi13/Secrets

Chapter One
I pace around my room, waiting for something to come to me. Haymitch told me either I was the Mockingjay or I was killed. I don't know what use I am anymore, Snow has power over everyone now. I'm almost useless, and only one thought can form clearly in my mind, ''He'll get Peeta. ''Haymitch told me they have him in a certain place where he'll be safe, and that he's guarded by four layers of walls. Only my voice can activate the doors to open. I finally throw myself down on the bed and sigh. I'm the Mockingjay for no reason, none at all. The war is over, and Snow won. I was the Mockingjay once, and Snow won. I suddenly think about something, if I rejected to be the Mockingjay, then who am I the Mockingjay for? Haymitch, Effie, Snow himself? I'm useless, and I won't be apart of another uprising, that's for sure.

I get up off the bed, and walk down to Haymitch's house. I bang on his door angrily, and don't even wait for an invitation inside. "Who am I the Mockingjay for? Coin is dead, and Snow wouldn't use me, and if I'm the Mockingjay for an uprising, then I won't even bother." I snap at him and he guffaws. He picks up another bottle of liquor, and I slap it out of his hands, and the glass bottle shatters to the floor.

"Sweetheart, I told you. You don't have a choice." He says, and I laugh. I do have a choice, no matter what I have a choice. I won't let him kill me, I'm stronger than he is, and Peeta would protect me on top of that. He would only kill me if he wanted to break Peeta into a million pieces.

"Yes I do, and I won't be the Mockingjay. Not for you, not for Snow, and not for anyone else!" I yell and he laughs again. He rolls his eyes, and takes my arm, and throws me on the couch. I wince at the pain, and he laughs again. I'm not as strong as I used to be.

"What about for Peeta? I know you'd do it for him. You love him don't you?" He asks me, and I'm reluctant to answer for a while.

"Of course I would do it for him. Why wouldn't I?" I ask him, and he laughs again.

"I won't be the Mockingjay. Not for you, not for Snow, and not for anyone else!" He mocks me, and I get off the couch and push him down. I put my foot on his chest, and make sure he can't get up. Now I'll never be the Mockingjay, not unless they let Peeta go.

"Tell me where he is, where did you put him?" I command him to answer.

"If I told you, then the plan wouldn't work." He tells me and I scowl. I pin his shoulders down to the ground with my hands, and get on top of him. If he never lets Peeta go, I'll be crazy, and that's for fact.

"Tell me where he is, or I'll kill you right here and right now!" I yell at him, and he laughs again. I jump up and grab a knife out of the kitchen, and when I come back, he's sitting on the couch shaking his head. "I thought you were on my side!" I yell at him, and he laughs again. "One last chance, where is he?" I ask slowly.

"He's in his house, up in his room, in a secret room in the closet." He confesses, and I throw the knife at his heart. He leans his head back against the back of the couch, and I run out the door. He deserves to die for taking Peeta and hiding him from me. I almost barge into his house, and I run up to his room. I slam up against the closet and call his name.

"Katniss, Katniss can you hear me?" He asks and I smile. I open the door, and see him trapped behind one way glass. I bang on it, and he jerks his head towards the front.

"Yes, I can hear you. I can see you. Can you see me? Do you know what the password is to open the glass?" I ask him and he nods. I laugh briefly.

"I think it's either mockingjay or. . .or your name." He says, and I ready myself.

"Mockingjay." I say and nothing happens. "Katniss." I say again, and the glass rises. I throw myself into Peeta's arms and smile. He rubs my back with the back of his hand. His lips brush my neck, barely, and the warmth rushes through me. He releases me and puts a hand on my cheek. I take a step closer to him, and wrap my arms around his neck. He leans in and presses his forehead against mine. I smile and laugh as he pokes my nose.

"Thanks, I think that I might've been in there a long time without your help." He says, and I smile. Then I notice something, on his finger. I take his hand, and see it clearly, a ring.

"What's that?" I ask him and he smiles. I tilt my head to the side, and he leans in to kiss me. When we break apart, he takes my face in his hands.

"I love you, Katniss." He tells me and I blush. He reaches to take something out of his pocket, and I smile. He pulls out a ring, and I feel a tear come out my eye as he slides it onto my finger. I lean in and kiss him, before he can say anything. When we break apart, he takes my hands and looks into my eyes. "Please, Katniss, please." He begs and I know what he means. He loves me, he really honestly does. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me.

"Yes." I say and he smiles. I stand there holding his hands, and looking into his blue eyes. He presses one of my hands against his lips and I laugh. "I love you." I say and a tear comes out of my eye. Then a thought hits me. Did Haymitch know he was going to do this, or did Peeta tell him? "Is this why? You know, why they trapped you? To keep you away from me?" I ask him, and he drops my hand.

"Haymitch just told me I'd get in the way of your being the Mockingjay. He said that love was too much to handle right now, and that I had to stay away from you. I told him I wouldn't, so he put me in there." He tells me and I scowl. I'm glad I killed him, he deserved it. Really, for trying to keep Peeta hidden from me.

"I killed him, Peeta." I confess and he looks at me with a confused look. "He wouldn't tell me where to find you, and so I threatened him until he did. And when he told me he hid you from me, I threw a knife at his heart, and he died." I say and he nods. He takes a step closer to me, and kisses me, and I feel the warmth in my chest. When we break apart, I realize how tired I am. I don't know why, but I am.

"Are you tired, Katniss?" He asks and I nod. He takes my hand, and leads me to the bed. We lay down, and I put my head against his chest, and fall asleep listening to the steadiness of Peeta's hearbeat.

Chapter Two
In the morning Peeta wakes me up so I can see the sunrise. I look down at our entwined fingers, and notice the rings. Then I remember, what Peeta did yesterday. He wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Of all people he chose me. That's what I want, too. To spend the rest of my life with him. Now after all these years I'm glad that I actually have his hand to hold. That he can be here next to me. I lean my head down on his shoulder, and he strokes my hair.

"Just the way I always wanted it." says Peeta. I look over to meet his eyes, and he smiles. I scoot over closer to him, and he wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Just you and I. Perfect." He says, and I laugh. I always knew I'd owe him, but I never thought I'd really marry him, or love him, or even pretend to love him. I always knew I'd have a connection with him, but I never dreamed we'd end up like this.

"I still owe you, though. I need to owe you somehow." I tell him and he shakes his head. He puts a hand on my cheek, and leans in. A tear comes down my cheek while he kisses me, I keep wishing I could owe him, but he won't let me owe him. He always said I didn't need to, but I need to, or I'll always feel guilty.

"You don't owe me anything, Katniss. I love you, and as long as I do you'll never need to owe me. I don't want you to. No matter what you feel, you're perfect for me. You don't need to owe me." He assures me, but I know I do. I need to help him like he helped me. I roll up his sleeve and look at the one scar left on his arm. I touch it gently, and press against him. He caresses my hair, and I fall asleep again.

I dream about Peeta and I, what kind of future we'll have. How he told me he loves me so much. How we were in the Games together, and he protected me. I feel something on my shoulders and open my eyes. I see Peeta smiling down at me, and I smile back. He scoops me up, and I laugh and smile. He puts me down and takes my hands in his. I feel myself blush as he starts to lean in. His lips briefly touch my cheek, and a tear rolls down my cheek.

"Stop crying, Katniss. Please stop crying." He commands me and I nod. He wipes the tear away from my cheek, and brushes the hair off my forehead.

"Okay. Just take care of me, and I should be okay." I tell him and he laughs. I rest my head on his shoulder while he caresses my hair. I keep my eyes drained on the world outside while I rest my head on Peeta's shoulder. After about three hours, he pulls me in closer to him, and wraps his arms around me. Then I realize something. We haven't eaten anything all day, and I'm starving.

"You must be hungry, Katniss. Come on, I have something very special for you downstairs." He tells me and I smile. He takes my hand and leads me downstairs to the kitchen. I watch him carefully as he takes a tray off the countertop. He walks back over to me, and I see little cookies all over the tray, he takes one off of the tray, and hands it to me. I stand up next to him, and wrap my arms around his neck. I lean in to kiss him, but his words stop me. "Katniss, why do you think you need to owe me?" He asks.

"You saved my life." I answer and he nods. I sit back down on the couch and he joins me. I press my lips against his before he can say anything. When we break apart he smiles, and gives me another cookie. I eat it slowly because I know if I have something so sweet it could make me throw up. Peeta pulls me in closer to him and his lips tickle my ear.

"You've saved my life, too. Many of times. I never seem" to need to owe you." He tells me and my mouth drops open a little in surprise. I want to say something, but I know I can't. I know why he doesn't need to owe me. I knew him, I loved him, and I couldn't let him die. I had three reasons for saving his life, and he just saved mine for no reason. Then I imagine something, if Peeta and I weren't in love, we wouldn't be here. I'd probably be dead and gone because someone would've killed me in the first Games. I'd be gone and dead, and I wouldn't have a ring around my finger. I look down at my hand, and sigh. This is the first time I've realized it, but I'm going to marry the boy with the bread. He asked me to marry him, because he knows I love him and he loves me.

"I knew you, you didn't know me, but you saved me anyways." He shakes his head at my comment, and leans in to me. I close my eyes, and start to wonder. He loved me in the first Games. He told me how he had loved me since we were five years old in the cave. Did he really mean it, or did he fall for me while we were in the cave.

"I loved you. I just didn't know it yet." He tells me and I look up at him. Into his blue eyes, and see what he feels. I feel what he feels for a minute. I lean in and kiss him, he puts his hand on the back of my head, and I wrap my arms tightly around his neck. I won't let him go and he knows it. Then I remember something, the victory tour, it'll be tomorrow. That's when the prep teams will come. We break apart, and look into the other's eyes.

"The victory tour is tomorrow. It's almost sundown, and we should get some sleep." I tell him and he nods. He takes my hand and leads me up the steps and into his room. I lay down on the bed, and Peeta's arms wrap me in his warmth. My head in his chest, and he's stroking my hair. I know he's asleep when his hands go still, and he's breathing more heavily. I snuggle up closer to him, and fall asleep.

Chapter Three
"Katniss, you're alright, I'm alright. Stop, please stop." He commands me, but nothing is stopping the tears from coming out of my eyes. It wasn't an avox dream it was worse. We were in the 74th Hunger Games, and Cato had killed Peeta and then I had killed him. The hovercraft came to pick me up, but I never got on. I sat there huddled in a ball.

"Cato. . . he, he killed you. . . and I couldn't save you. . . just help me." I say and he kisses me gently once. The prep team will be here any minute now. I have to pull myself together somehow. Peeta wipes the tears from my eyes, and kisses me. I try and try to stop crying, but it's almost no use.

"I know Katniss," He says, and almost as if on cue I hear a knock on my door. I dry my tears the best I can with my shirt sleeve, and Peeta takes my hand and we walk down to the living room. The prep teams seeing us together makes a few of them shed a tear. Peeta holds out our hands for them to see the rings. Three of them faint and I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. He hugs me and my prep team takes me to my house. Flavius and Octavia are snipping away at me. They put something in my hair called highlights which is supposed to make it look a little lighter in some places. My nails are done in a perfect clear coat and then they pull part of my hair back in a simple bun, and then braid the outside of it with the rest of my hair.

Then they send me to Venia. She smiles when she sees my hair done in such a pretty way. She puts a small amount of clear lipgloss to hide my cracked lips. She dabs on a little bit of blush my cheeks, and then hands me a pair of black pants and a wool shirt that is a light pink. I put it on, and then she slips on a leather brown jacket overtop of it, and motions for me to look in the mirror. I look stunning.

"Wait, I almost forgot the scarf." She says and I smile. No outfit in the Capitol is complete without a scarf. She puts a white scarf around my neck and I'm sent to Effie. She smiles when she sees me. I look out the window and see the cameras. I take one deep breath and Effie tells me to get outside immediatley. I see Peeta walk out of his house, and run to him. He picks me up and spins me around happily despite his fake leg. I kiss him, and then we both remember the rings. He just puts me down, and we hold the other's hand and the cameras see it. The rings we have on our fingers.

"Congratulations." Effie says and I laugh. Peeta pulls me in closer to him, and whispers something in my ear.

"Remember, we're in danger, so keep the act up." He tells me and I laugh. He takes my hand again, and they walk us to the train. We both wave goodbye to the district and go back to the dining hall with Haymitch and Effie. I sit down next to Peeta and eat only a little of my meal. I don't know what to say about the other tributes, I barely interacted with any of them except for Clove's little sister, and all I did was kill her.

"What do we say to honor them? We never really did anything with any of them." I say and everyone is staring at me, and I directly go back to eating my meal. Peeta puts an arm around my shoulders and smiles.

"We'll figure something out, I'm sure." He says and I nod. I'm not as good with words as he is. He can make their families like us even though it cost their children's lives. I lean my head on his shoulder and he strokes my hair. I smile gently and we both get up and go to the couch. I wait for the train to go to District 11 where I'll make a fool out of myself. I take a deep breath and snuggle up closer to Peeta.

I fall asleep and dream about what I'll say, dream about what I'll have to do. I think about how Peeta'll make everyone love him and loathe him. Then they'll lure him into the Capitol if they can, if they can make him, then they will. I wake up suddenly and my head was on his shoulder. He takes my face in his hands and smiles. I smile back and look out the window. We're in District 11, and I start to pant heavily.

"Katniss, it's alright, just calm down." He says and I nod. He takes my hand and walks me off the train. I'm still panting when they put me on the stage.