User blog:Oblivion1001/Cato in the Games

This is a sort of comedy by Cato Wood and Clove1001

As fr the last name, I just picked a random one because I am so extremely lazy :P

''Wake up. Eat some coffee. Put the fish sticks in the toaster.''

It sounds like someone's singing.

Then I remember the other day when my brother got a 2-second part in a play at school and now he has a strong, undaunted beleif that he is a world-famous rockstar (Like lady gaga)

so finally i am driven to madness by his unrelenting feminine screeching.

and I get up.

I think my older brother (aka my "guardian" as he puts it) went outside and collected some of "nature's cold bagels" (aka ROCKS.)

So we had nature's cold ROCKS.

Not fun.

I actually didn't eat mine and now I think I should have because here at the reaping place, they must think some volcano's gonna go off (by the sound my stomach's making. Shake the computer dramatically when you read this)

GRRRRRRAKKKKKKKKKSKKKKKKAAAGRRRRRRAGGGGGGGGGGGGKKKKKKRRRRAASSSSGGGGRR!!!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!! (Throw the computer up in the air when you do that. Don't catch it) My stomach didn't really go "Ee-boom."

Ahhh, the JOY of sound affects. So I get in my position, the reaping starts, blah-blah, this happens, and -oh look! - THAT happens, and then the other thing happens and FINALLY she reaches her hand into the glass ball and picks out a name and the name is Tim "Tiny" Swaddlefingers.

I know him because I gave him that name, after I almost STEPPED ON HIM.

And he named me "Colassal."

And earned himself a broken foot. For the next few months, that was the biggest part of him, cuz of it was so dang swollen.

He's like this tall:

_

_

^^^ that tall. So I decide to volunteer. Probably not the smartest thing I've ever done. But hey.

"I volunteer," I say.

"What is your name, my dear?" The escort asks dreamily.

I'm just awesome that way.

But I'm not "her deer", and she knows it.

So I tell her my name.

I think that's about when I realize I just made the biggest mistake...

... EVER.

Because yeah, that's about when CLOVE EMERSON GETS REAPED.

Now, Clove has always been the hottest girl in Ear -- SCHOOL!!! *coughcough I MEANT school!

So it was just....

It was totally....

I felt like an IDIOT when I went up there with her.

Mainly because her awesomeness was...

so...

indescribable.

Then it was 8:15 and we got on the tribute train.

PART II

So the tribute train has already been to District 1, right? So THOSE tributes are there. There' a boy named Marvel and a girl named Glimmer.

And there's no other way to say that Glimmer's preeeeeeeettyyyyyyyyy......

Marvel asks me a question. I think it was, "How did your breeches flow?"

So I replied, "My breeches flowed fine... wait, what? I mean, MY REAPING WENT GREAT THANKS."

Luckily, I said the firt part quietly so no one heard it but me.

The tribute train picks up more tributes. District 3 loks like they might be of some use, but I can't figure out what that is yet... District 4 looked HOPELESS. I HATE ducks. They always think they have the right to quack right there in your face.

District 5 were both redheads, which was cool. I made a mental note to murder the pairs from 6, 7, and 8 personally. District 9 was bad. So was 10. The boy from 11 was like, tall, but the girl was, like, tiny.

And the pair from District 12 were obviously sobbing their heads off.

So me and Marvel make a game out of wo can stare at them the most. It's fun making people feel awkward in their new surroundings, unless it's you who's feeling awkward.

A few days passed, and then BOOM! Just like that, we're doing Chariot rides.

And I am freaked out.

I have a thing about standing up and waving in front of people. First of all, it makes me feel UBERCHEESY (which I most ceartinly am NOT) and secondly... I don't really know anything else, but there has to be something. Oh yeah -- what if I FALL OUT? Thirdly...

Anyway, I had "Getting dressed with Kylia" or whatever my prep team calls it. Kylia is one of the prep team members, if that's what they're called.

And she is as annoying as the H-E-double-hockey-sticks* place.

*double hockey sticks look like 2 L's next to each othr, if you've never seen one.

Finally I get to meet my stylist.

After they do some things I would really prefer not to write here.

And first of all, my stylist was a BOY thank GOD because I definetly had enough girl for one day. Actually, for like, ever.

So yeah, let me just give you the basics.

I was supposed to be some sort of warrior so I got pants and a shirt and knives and makeup (I hated that. Took all my willpower not to scream like a banshee and call my stylist a "sick monkey" which I have done to several people). I vetoed the Indian headdress. Hel-LO? GIRLY!

So anyway, it's finally time to go. And my heart is pounding like some bongos being played by an insane angry, and slightly deranged gorilla. Or one of those baboons with the neon glow-in-the-dark butts.

I take a deep breath and get up in the chariot (whish is a regular black seat but on the sides there are knives painted on it (SO COOL XD) Clove stands a little away to give me some room.

Then I hear them announcing District 2.

And then as soon as the chariot rides are over, we're in the training center. I see lots of pressy buttons :P

We are allowed to go up to our rooms.

Clove shows me how some of the stuff works.

When she says, "Wheat bread," wheat bread comes out.

I say, "Humoungous jar of peanut butter."

I love peanut butter.

If I was allergic to it, I'd die.

I'm allergic to a lot of things:

Rhino Somethin-somethin (not real rhinos. Like a medicine)

Dust

Dust Mites (but sometimes I accidentally eat them)

Broccoli (well not really)

Fried Zucchini

Other yuck-filled vegetables

My little brother. I am HIGHLY, SEVERELY allergic to my little brother. A lot more, actually, but I can't remember the rest.

But see? No peanut butter. Which is just fine, by me.

So I go to bed the next night and when I wake up I decided to take a shower.

What I WASN'T counting on was Brutus to unexpectantly RIP THE SHOWER CURTAIN OPEN.

And luckily the towel was right there thank GOD because I swore I would never let anyone see me naked, or buttox naked.

Which I think are the same thing, BUT:

Really.

So.

Well.

Whatev!

He told me to get my little pink butt downstairs. I told him my but was not little OR pink. It was: let's not really discuss that right now.

So I go down to the training center. We're the first ones there.

He sees me.

"Get in here private!" he yells.

I get in there, private.

"Now I want you all to have 6-packs like ME!" he instructs us.

Oh-kaaaaay...

I go over to my bag thing on the benches.

"I have a 6-pack," I say. "ONly it's actually a 5-pack because I already had one. But still, it WAS a 6-pack."

"WOOD!" he screams, his eyes bulging out of his head.

"Where?" I ask. "You're afraid of wood?"

"No! YOU! YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT YOU.... NERDY... HEAD!"

Nerdy head.

"I AM NOT A NERDY HEAD!" I scream. I jump on him and start to beat the living tar out of him with the sprite bottles.

He dodges a can and 2 hit him in the face. I jump on him and start beating him with the other 2 cans until they explode all over him and then he's chasing me and I hide behind all the targets.

Then more people come. Glimmer, Marvel, and the pairs from 5.

We start to wait around for our stations.

Then the District 12 pair comes down. They are just showing off now, becasue they think they're the best at everything, ever since they ever got on those chariot rides and went all around with their butts on fire.

The lady finally releases us, and I go to the spears because they look all dangerous and like I can kill someone

Clove and Marvel and Glimmer are all with me.

So we have a big spear-throwing party, right there, in the training center.

And being the most epicly awesome superpowerful being that I am, I hit every target. Except the one that I missed.

Yeahhhh fun times.

Ever written a song before? I needed something to take my mind off the games, so I wrote one.

"One day while in the bathtub."

An original song by none other than the world's role-model himself: Cato Wood ( applause THUNDEROUS applause)

Maybe not so original. I changed the lyrics because I was bored to tears and had soap and Poker Face on my mind. But i stole the music from another song I liked. Ah well, I only got a few more days to live.

One day while in the bathtub!

I was a slam! Oh yeah!

Soap! Oh, the fame! I was a slam!

I wave the bar of soap above my awesomeness hair and I say

One day while in the bathtub! Yeah!

Cuz bathtubs are so awesome!

They are fawsome!

Flood the bathroom if it means one day while in the bathtub

You can be a slam like moi, the all powerful, super amazing, extremely wonderful VICTOR of the 74th Hunger Games... OH YEAH!

One day while in --"

"What the ! do you think you're doing?" asks a voice.

I twist and fall off my bed. I can admit that I got a LITTLE (most definetly not "a lot") carried away with it. heck, I didn't even know what I was SAYING.

It's my mentor, Brutus, in his fancy victor's sleepers.

"Nothing!" I say. "BUT, while you're here, I have a few requirements. I will only go to sleep IF I have some red sleepers like YOURS. And TOE HOLES. And 10 LARGE PEPPERONI PIZZAS. Well, maybe not 10. Maybe more like 2. And I also need some spears for practice and did I mention my toe-holes? Well, I require toe-holes -- hey wait! Where are you going! I'm not done! A hot tub! With 16 ladies all trying to --"

A minute later he comes back with all my requirements, except for the last one (which really disappoints me! But oh well.)

"Anything to shut you up,"he says.

"Thanks!" I say, putting on my new sleepers.

Ahh, what an amazing sight. I look beautiful in them.

"WOW! Man these are great! Oh what a beauty! Man! I look like a MODEL in these! I whip my hair back and forth I whip my hair back and forth! These are great!"

Brutus stares at me, obviously amazed by my miraculous performance.

Then, he sighs and walks away.

I go to bed.

The next morning at training, Marvel found out my secret weakness. Which is not really a secret any -- ! WAIT! Don't read the next few sentences if you are going to use my secret weakness on me!

Okay, here's my secret weakness:

He took off his socks, threw me on the ground, and hovered his foot right over my face.

I could swear I was hypervenelating.

I don't mind when feet are in shoes or socks and standing over me, even if the shoes have the worlds messiest dog.... ok, let's not go into that.

BUT.

I HATE feet. I don't know why, they just seem like.... feet. UGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TERRIBLE THINGS come to mind

When I think of thy foot.

Makes me want to... puke!

UGH!

And ever since my brother found out I was scared of feet, he terrorized me with his feet but I gave him wedgies in his sleep so he quit... other than that I'm scared of nothing except strange glowing-green things I found in the tomato sauce the other day and tissues. But that's it. And boomerangs.

I guess you could say I have foot phobia.

I can't believe I OWN feet myself! How can you own something you're SCARED TO DEATH OF? Oh well. Least I gots me my toe-holes.

I like my toe-holes.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if a boy got a pedicure.

Now, I have yet to find out.

Why?

My lovely mentor sent me upstairs to TAKE. A. NAP.

Dude, SERIOUSLY, I'm not, like, 4 years old. I am 15, one-five, 9+6, 10+5. I don't NEED a nap.

"I INSIST!" he says.

That word 'insist' tells you whether or not someone is the biggest dork on the PLANET.

So I went upstairs to make the man happy. I slept, but I had an awful nightmare about ostriches licking my toenails. I woke up and heard giggling. Then I heard someone say, "RUN! HE'S UP!" THEN I hear someone say snark-ish-ly, "He's going to look so hot when we found out we painted his toenails."

Oh. yes.

HOT PINK.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Geez, take a breath, will you?" I hear.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

And then I pass out, almost.

Not bEfore I demand the nail polish remover.

Girls are mean! No offense to girls.

Ever notice how the worst things always happen to you? One day, one worst thing happens to you, and the next day, more worst things KEEP HAPPENING to YOU. Not someone else, yoiu.

I didn't spell that right, did I.

That wasn't a question.

BUT:

Worse things that keep happening today, as in, this day right now:

That... ! girl from district 12 kept showing off her "amazing skills" and showing everyone else she was "amazing"

That ! boy from 10 kept getting in the way so I did not get any decent training all day. Remember? He had the foot that went bad.

I was forced to take another nap.

I had my toenails painted, "Sparkle glitter hot pink ultra sassy super cool shimmery gem blast".

Who in their right mind BUYS nail polish with names like THAT? ^^

Who the heck BUYS nail polish?

The 2 uses of nail polish:

Painting ...

The other use, I can't seem to figure it out.

Not yet, any way.

Why? Because there. is. no. other. use. Get it?

There was more, but since I don't want to list them all and bring back their awful, undesirable, STUPID, STUPID memories...

I will not say

ANYTHING.

Ok, I lied. I have a words of wisdom thing that I need to tell you.

NEVER go outside in short-sleeves or training uniform

UNLESS you know it is not

a) 5 degrees outside

b) 6 degrees outside

c) 4 degrees outside

d) all of the above.

The correct answer, of course, is D. I made that mistake and just thought I should tell you. Yeah, so... byeeeeeee!!!!

Tonight I saw Peeta and Katniss actually TALKING on the roof.

THEIR FEET WERE TOUCHING D: This picture says so:

I would DIE if my feet actually touched someone else's. As far as I'm concerned, feet are demonic predators.

"Nice night, huh?" Katniss says.

"Yeah, I suppose so," Peeta agrees.

"Wonder what happens if we try to jump off the roof," Katniss laughs.

"There's a force field," Peeta says. "We can't."

He reaches out and touches the forcefield.

I hear it snap on his finger.

Then more talking. I kinda listened to them talking, but I started to fall asleep. I heard Peeta says something about not wanting to be a piece in the games, or something like that. After a while someone blows out a candle and then I'm fully awake. WHAT IF THEY FIND OUT I'M UP HERE!?

I'm not supposed to be on the D12 floor, and I know it. The reason I'm here is...

I actually don't have a reason. Oh wait, yes I do: I was bored. There, that's my reason.

But anyway, I need to get down stairs real fast like, without anyone hearing me.

So I go down there.

But look! Mr. Happy is waiting for me!

"Hi Mr. Happy!" I say, staring at the murdurous look on his face. The Mr. Happy thing was sarchastic.

"GET. IN YOUR ROOM. NOW."

"I had to pee."

"There's a toilet in your room," Brutus (Mr. Happy)

"It was clogged."

"Let me see."

"Actually, I unclogged it just now."

He taps his foot.

"And I'm going to bed now, so, bye!"

The worst thing happened today: I googled myself.

I found out that my name is actually the name of a women's clothing store.

My reaction?

"!!...?! WhaaaaaaAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!"

If you don't beleive me, go to google and type in, C-A-T-O

It's almost scary. But, it was also 4:00 am, because that's the only time I'm allowed to use the computer.

I'm not technically allowed to use the computer at any time, but I decided to be fair to myself and give myself some days.

But I hear someone. If I get caught, my butt is dead.

So I have exactly 2 of those itty-bitty seconds (0.02) to get my butt upstairs and in bed.

Or just hide behind the computers.

I hide behind this big desk JUST AS someone walks into the room. It's Effie Trinket, the escort from District 12.

She goes on the computer, says, "Oh good! They're on the front page! Amazing spectacle dazzles Capitol. No one else compares."

I make a puking face without any sound. I'm just talented that way.

As soon as Effie leaves, I get up and go to the Training Room. There's nothing to do since it doesn't really "open" until 10:00. Well, I got about 6 hours... might as well do something. Only I can't figure out exactly what that IS yet.

So now I'm just back in the training center.

I am awesome at everything. Rowr! As usual.

Then Brutus pulls me over to a corner. Slowly, he takes off his socks. Then he throws me on the ground and says, "FACE YOUR FEARS!" And sticks his foot right in my face.

And I can't stop myself.

"BLEAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAUUUUUUGH."

Ew.

Then I wake up from that horrible nightmare. I sit up, trying to get my breathing back to normal, because after that, my heart was like a poor bongo being pounded upon by an angry, insane, and, maybe a bit deranged, gorrilla. Or a baboon. The ones with the neon butts. The whole thing is so sickening I actually do throw up, all over the floor.

Today, Brutus announced it was time for a "manly chat." He sat down and started grilling me abut how I need to be more HELPFUL, RESPONSIBLE, and SERIOUS.

I was HELPFUL. When he got a call, I answered it so he didn't have to walk 2 feet on his stiff old man legs.

"Hey! This is Cato! My pants are shiny! Also? What's your favorite color? Mine's neon orange. Are your pants shiny?"

I was RESPONSIBLE. I cooked for everyone and stuff.

Cato's KILLER oatmeal

2 pounds flour

1 16-oz bottle vinegar

3 boxes oats

1 pound block of caramel

Another box of oats

Rainbow sprinkles

Mix all up in bowl. Put in the broiler. Makes 15 gimundous bowls.

I was also HELD RESPONSBLE for when me and Marvel played "vicious tackle football" in the Training Center, and almost everyone joined in. Then there was a huge dog pile when we all jumped on Thresh. He wasn't really playing but Fox threw the ball and it hit him in the stomach so he doubled over around it and fell. We were fighting unmercilessly with Thresh out cold.

Peeta and Rue were on top of me, Thresh was on the bottom, Clove was on top of Thresh, Glimmer was on top of Clove and Fox, and I was on top of Katniss and Marvel. Finally, Fox got the ball and we all chased her outsie and had a big game, with Thresh as the ref. He just sat there unconcious while the rest of us tackled, wrestled, and beat each other up for the ball. In the end, my team (Me, Marvel, Fox, and Rue) all won. The other team was mad so they told on us, leaving themselves out of it. I got in trouble but it was the best day EVER!

The only thing I was actually SERIOUS at, though was training. I was the best one there, and I think everyone knew it. Either way, I made it clear that I was epicly awesome.

Tonight was the night before the Games, and even Brutus thinks I'm ready. He says ever since I threw that spear from 20 feet he thought I was ready. Which is an insult, because that was this morning.

My prep team (They call themselves "Preppies") comes in and starts gasping like dead fish and sobbing and getting me all soggy. Then when I get up to change, Kylia sees the hole in my sock. It wasn't a big hole. Okay fine. It was a gigantic hole. She screams bloody murder and tears out of the room. Now at least I can change. I do. Then I go to bed.

"Hey look! I'm in a glass!" I say, tapping the thing that's supposed to shoot me up into the arena. My stylist just sighs and says, "Yes, you are," for the 50th time.

"It's going to shoot me up! Can I hav a Coke?" I ask.

"No."

"Can I get a new pair of pants? These are too small."

"No."

"LOOK! MY PANTS ARE SHINY!"

I start to take them off to show him.

"Leave the ! pants on, you !."

"That was mean!"

"Shut up."

"That was mean also! I'm never talking to you again!"

I cross my arms.

"Hey wait, actually, can I get a..."

Then, my things starts to shoot upward.

"TELL MY MENTOR TO SEND ME SOME SHINY PANTS AND PINK AND YELLOW SLIPPER SOCKS!" I call. "AND --"

Then I'm officially in the arena and the countdown starts.

60. 59. 58.

"NOOOO!!! WAIT!!! HELP!!! I NEED SHINY PANTS!!!"

My thing is now in the arena. I focus on the Cornucopia. Any shiny pants in there? NO? NOOOOOOO!!!

I look to the right of me and see Pitaface, and he's all, "I'm Peetaface... I'm so cool..."

Because he is absolutely NOT cool. I am the fastest runner and the best at handling wea --

14. 13. 12.

Gotta put my laptop away now! Bye!

Is the internet working? Hello? Is the internet -- D!!n. Hang on, I think I got it to... SHHHHHHHHHoot...

Yeah, yeah, I KNOW I need virus protection. I hate this thing! Agh! OK, I think I got it to work. No? Yes? YES!

I rule!

OK, I have SO MUCH to tell you all.

The bloodbath got done and Marvel wanted to take a waterstop in the forest. I'm sitting on a log.

I killed 7 people at the bloodbath (The pairs from 6 and 7, the girl from 9, the boy from 5, the girl from 10.) I think 11 people died in all. I tried to kill Pitaface, but failed, and now we have lots of supplies and stuff. We actually have Pitaface in our alliance now, and he's okay, but he hasn't said ONE WORD in the whole intire 4 hours we've beein in here. I want FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!!

I have a really sharp spear I use to gore people :)

Anyway, we've been walking a long time and Glimmer keeps whining and saying, "I'm TIRED, CATO, when do we, like, STOP?" And I say, "For the 5 million-thousandth-bazzillion-and-tenth-katrillion-jillion-killion time, I DON'T KNOW!" "That's not a real number." "I KNOW!"

Finally, Marvel feels sorry for me and stops us for a water break. I can't believe it! The people in the Capitol must LOVE me! I am soooo awesome! I got pink and yellow slipper socks! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Uh-huh! I sing a song. "I got some socks... I got some socks YEAH! I got some socks! I got some socks!"

I parade around the clearing in my awesome socks. THEY LOOK AWESOME! Clove looks like she wants to hit me.

"Just take a rest, Cato," she mumbles. I look at her and solemnly say, "No."

Then I do more parading, writhing, stomping, jumping, falling, flipping, and back-hand-spring-ing. (I am so good at back hand springs :D)

Finally I start to fall asleep when Marvel says, "Let's go."

I drag myself along. We come into another clearing.

We see the girl from 8. We see a fire. We zone in to kill. I smooth my hand over my spear and try to have an evil look on my face.

We kill her and cook her intestines over a slow flame. No, that's gross. But I do kill her and she screams and begs for mercy so I take a hint and kill her in cold blood. After 5 minutes when we don't hear the cannon, Marvel says, "I don't think she's dead." "Yes, she is." "No, she's not." "She's dead, I stuck her myself." "Someone should go back and make sure the job's done." "SHE'S DEAD ALREADY! WHY CAN THAT INFORMATION NOT PENATRATE YOUR THICK SKULLS?" "SHE'S NOT DEAD, CATO." "I said she's dead!" "She's not dead!" "She is!" "Not!" "She's sooo dead!"

Fianlly, Peeta says, "We're wasting time! I'll go back to finish her off."

We watch him go. I hear rustling in a tree above my head. Then a surprised gasp, like someone just fell out of a tree. But I don't pay any attention. Not yet, at least.

We settle down, do stuff, go in the bushes, blah, blah. Then we see Katniss way up high in a tree.

I instictively yell, "Hi up there with the dirty underwear!"

She says, "Um, hi. How are you?"

"In terms of what? Awesoemly awesome, as usual. How's it going for you?" I ask.

"It's a bit warm for my taste. Why don't you come up?" she says, smiling.

"I think I will," I say, knowing this would be the perfect oportunity to grab her, spin her over my head, let go, and watch her fly into the lake. And die.

I start to climb up, and Glimmer tries to hand me the arrows, But I already have a weapon that I am awesome at, and I decline. So yeah, I'm climbing, I'm climbing, but actually its more like I'm grabbing at the branches and flailing and hanging on like an old monkey. I start to climb another branch. Do not fall off.

The branch breaks.

It breaks.

It.

breaks.

No!

NO!

NO!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

AGHHHHHHH!!!

I fall on the ground hard. I think I broke my butt.

"Ow."

"So sorry!" Katniss yells down. "Maybe next time!"

Glimmer tries and misses Katniss and if Glimmer actually paid attention to weapons and not her nails which I'm about to break in 20 seconds, we could actually GET SOMEWHERE IN THESE GAMES AS A CAREER PACK.

Bestow thy idiocy forever.

What the heck?

So we all need to go to bed now because it's really late. It's past my bedtime, which makes me feel elated.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Marvel says if I spend one more second on my computer, he's going to cream my head.

Bai!

But I had a song stuck in my head so I couldn't sleep.

In the sleep, the lion sleep, the jungle mightys tonight.... In the sleep, the lion sleep, the jungle mightys tonight.... a wigawam a wigawam...

"Marvel?" I whisper. He just sits there like a dead duck.

"MARVEL! ARE YOU DEAD?" I start beating the living tar out of him.

"Agh! What? What?"

"What's a wigwam?"

"ARE YOU AN IDIOT?!"

"Yes, I am. What's a wigwam."

"Its a hut," he says.

"No it's not! It's a large yarn ball made out of yarn!" I say.

He groans and puts his head back on his backpack.

"Go to bed, Cato."

I do.

Bye!

The worst thing ever just recently happened.

Katniss apparently got a wonderful idea of dumping a nest of tracker jackers on us. You know, the bee? The one with the killer harpoon attached to its larger than bee size buttox?

Yeah. I got stung right here and here and here.... oh wait, you can't see. I got stung in the eye, and on my arm, and in a place I would really not like to say on here.

Ears are so scary!!!

What?

Anyway, we all jump in the lake. I, as usual, had the most FLASHY entrance:

"CANONBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!"

But, sadly, that was before I knew that before dawn the lake reached... sigh... subzero temperatures. My expression, as Marvel told me later, was that of a frog who had just eaten roasted Habaneros. Those are orange peppers. So I punched him.

Me and Peeta go back to collect the supplies. I let Peeta go ahead of me, because he seems more alert and I feel like someone beat the living sludge out of me. Peeta was supposed to bring the supplies back to me*. But NO! He was too busy rescuing his GIRLFRIEND to notice...

HEY HEY! YOU YOU! I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY! NO WAY! THINK YA NEED A NEW ONE...

Sorry. But anyway, instead of helping US, he was helping the KITKAT. Yeah. I saw it. I saw the whooole thing with my own eyes. Traitor. He throws her into the bushes.


 * all the same, I was supposed to be helping Peeta, but again, I FELT LIKE SOMEONE BEAT THE LIVING SLUDGE OUT OF ME. So I have an exception

I will kill him! But first I have to puke in the bushes. See ya!

I catch up with peeta, later, in the night. No one sees I'm gone. Slowly... swiftly... no, that doesn't work. Those are antonyms. Swiftly... silently (excluding part where I hit my foot on a rock).... I strike.... no one sees me. I am unseen, hidden under a cloak of pure night. I ZONE IN ON MY KILL. Then I grab him and throw him down. "What in the heck of the --" he sees it's me.

I guess I get a little enthusiastic about the whole thing. "BLOOD!!! BLOOD!!! AVENGE THY SPIRITS WITH BLOOD AND LIKAH!" That's liquor. That's just how I pronounced it. I don't actually know where that part came from, but i was having too much fun to stop. "BEAT THY FACE WITH THY OWN SOCK AND LASTLY, SET THY PANTS ABLAZE! MWAH-HA-HA-HA!" That's not where I stop, though. "FORCE THOU TO SWALLOW 10 HORNED TOADS WHOLE! KILL! KILL! FOR THOU'S BUTT IS VENISON! MINE! ALL MINE! NYAHAHAHA! I AM BUT A MERCILESS GLUESTICK, SWOOPING IN TO DEVOUR THY, THY INNOCENT BUNNY! AND I WILL CUT YOU!"

It goes on. But I don't want to write the rest here. Finally, he just lies there like a sack of sand, undoubtedly terrified of my calling for evil spirits to avenge thy pancakes that were put in the waffle iron. I cut him in the left thigh and leave him in the mud. I feel awesome!

"Marvel! When can I WHAZZ?!"

"Never."

We're walking back to the lake. It's a long 10-minute walk.

"MARVEL!!"

"Um... ahem... you can, um, 'whazz' when we get there."

"What's today? The 'Let's-make-Cato-hold-the-whazz-in-day?"

"What exactly is a 'whazz'?"

"Pee, you idiot. Whazz is the correct term."

Actually, it's a word I have never heard in my life before now, but he doesn't have to know that.

"Okay, you can pee right here in these bushes. But.. why do you need permission?" he asks.

"Why does a vampire want an apple?" I reply.

"Because he likes fruit...?" Marvel guesses.

"Exactly!" I whisper excitedly.

"Just go pee and let's go."

"Okay, I will."

So anyway, I gotta go pee now! Bai!

Oh yeah, and from now on, never say 'pee.' say 'whazz.'

"CATO!"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

Oops, I think the battery on my laptop's about to die.

"Marvel? Do we have any jumper ca --"

We moved the camp. I got some jumper cables. I just need to find an outlet. After that I found out that jumper cables are used to start your car.

Marvel thinks he's cute when he says he'll do something for you. AND THEN HE DOESN'T.

Glimmer died. I have to say something about her death.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHAHAHA I AM SOOOOO HAAAAAAAPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEE.....

I know that sounds really bad, but it's the hunger games. There, that's my excuse :D

Happy days are here again!

The next day, we argue about the boy from D3. He just sits there listening to us like a dead rock who doesn't understand jibberish. Which is clearly the only language he speaks cos of he's always MUTTERING DARKLY about how I should give him his wrench if he wants a bomb....whatev!

FINALLY he says he's done and I'm like, "THAT's GREAT DUDE, YEAH, LET'S GO."

He does.

"MOVE IT!" I yell, "Or I'll start talking about thy pancakes again."

So, what happened in the woods, you might ask? Some odd duck seemed attracted to my buttox and my buttox alone. So I run around the forest trying to escape the duck. Did I ever mention I hate ducks? Then I remembered what my spear was for. I took out my spear and threw it at him. But get this: He caught it between his little duck feet just as it was about to gore him dead in the you-know-where. So finally, I grabbed him and strangled him until he quacked for mercy and I threw him into the bushes. He was alive but shaken. The next time I saw him, 5 minutes later, he didn't move towards me, he flew away. I'm happy. Not sure if he feels the same way, though. Nevermind. He almost injected my buttox with rabies. I don't care about how he feels.

Then we hear an explosion.

I run back through the woods at the speed of sound. Finally, we get back to the supplies and they are...

EVERYWHERE.

"$#%&! &%$@! %@#$!"

I run down into the mess, throwing things at Marvel. He starts hiding behind trees.

"YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! #@$% WHAT THE #$@% ARE WE GONNA DO, YOU @#$%!"

He just stands there behind his tree. Then he comes out and starts picking through the stuff. He finds a knife blade. I grab it from him and throw some ashes in his face.

He wipes them out out of his eyes and kicks me.

"ALL RIGHT! DESPERATE TERMS CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES!"

Marvel dives under a pile of ashes.

"GET THE KIIIID! SEIZE HI -- SEIZE THE KID UNDER THE ASHES! GET HIM!"

I get him and clock him in the back of the head.

Then I give up and start kicking stuff around. Then everything makes sense. It's all HIS fault! ARGH!

"YOU!" I say, pointing at Marvel.

"WHAT!?" he gasps, too terrified to speak.

"Not you... HIM! THAT GUY!"

He starts to run away. District 3 are such idiots. I grab him, SIT ON HIM, and break his neck wide open. I could have done it better with a sludge-hammer, but oh well.

I'm still running around with my pants on my head kicking stuff and now they're looking at me weird. I realize I've started my Shakespearean cursing again. Which they're actually curses I made up. Oh well. They sound like Shakespeare.

"THY GATO GORTO!"

Only I curse in style. That es el espanol :)

It means, "You fat cat."

I think. Marvel and Clove stare at me as I fire more curses, insults, and such at the nearest tree.

"Um, Cato?" Marvel says. "Look, cursing at the tree won't do anything. Look up."

I do.

"What's up there? Is it something majestical?"

"Is that even a word?"

"No. Shut the heck up."

"Look at the sky," he says.

I do. We see the people. I see the boy from 10 who I killed this morning. I see the boy from 3 who I killed just like right now. Then no one else. So the killer of the supplies is still....

alive...

Just then, something deep inside my brain went

snap.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

I grab Marvel and shake his collar viciously.

"MY SOCKS! OH GOD MARVEL MY SOCKS! THEY EXPLODED WITH THE OTHER SUPPLIES! IT'S NOT FAAAAAAAAAIR! MY SOCKS! AGGGGHHHH!"

He makes me release him and I throw up on his shoes. Well, not on his shoes. Right next to them.

"You are insane. Come on, let's go back to the woods. At least we have supplies in our packs.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Let's go!"

Later Clove tells me I set off to the woods with a boisterous looking strut, which was impressive since I had just puked all over Marvel's shoes because I was sad about my socks.

I have to hunt now. Byeee!

I'm baaack! I know you're all so happy to see my beautiful faaaaace :)

Okay let's get down to buisness.

I heard 2 cannons. That's really good, if one of them's not Marvel's or Clove's because it means I the amazing have made it to the final 6 -- OW! HEY! WHAT THE...! PLANTS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO GIVE YOU WEDGIES! AGH!" Okay, I take back what I said about I the amazing.